Sunday, April 25, 2010

Artisan lifestyle, Marriage advice, secret disclosed

Secret to share......... Jimmy and I are no longer shacking up. We are officially 'respectable'. Really and truly. We sneaked around and did it without telling anyone until after the fact. Kind of because we had too. We have a lot of friends and family that we really love but sometimes involving them in the big things makes stuff..... all complicated. So , we are going to have a big party this summer and invite them all to share an evening of acknowledgement... of their support,counsel and friendship for the 15 plus years they have all been in our lives. Some of the sage counseling that our friends gave us over the years are listed here and have been the foundation for Jimmy and I . The advice is not the kind you will find on MSM's little 'how to' articles by professional marriage counselors. This is the helpful advice and commentary that real friends who know us inside and out gave us . Some are paraphrased some are quotes.
1. 'You need to apologize'
2. 'You need to accept the apology'
3. "oh good grief he's not a mind reader... just TELL him!"
4. 'let it go'
5. "that sucks!... Lets go drinking, you'll feel like shit in the morning and only the important stuff will be able to get through the hangover haze.... then you can talk without all the petty crap surfacing"
6. "neither one of you are right"
7. 'You are being an ass'
8. 'he's being an ass'
9. 'she's being an ass'
10 'have you ASKED why he/she is being an ass?"
11 "your mother is is looking for her fourth husband.... WHY would you listen to ANYTHING she says about relationships?"
12. "You two are great together... DON'T screw it up."
13. 'Sounds like you two need to get away for a weekend'
14. 'He's right'
15. 'She's right'
18. 'So?... just support it.... he/she will be into something else in a month or two.'
19. 'So?.... this is your chance to (fill in the blank) while he or she is busy  (fill in the blank)'
20. "everybody gets crushes.....don't worry about it."
21. 'Honey ...She's after your man... do something now'
22. 'Dude...He's after your something now'
23. 'clean yourself up look like shit.'
24. 'calm the fuck down...its not the end of the world ..its the beginning of a new phase'
25. "Don't use 'leaving' as a weapon when you fight..... it brings up abandonment fears and makes the other person feel like there is no reason to work on the relationship. It changes the nature of the argument and makes the other person too insecure to deal with what the real issue is."
26. Threatening to throw the tv out the window is ok.... threatening to leave is not.'
27. 'a week ago you were saying how amazing he/she is...... what happened to that?
28. 'maybe your response is the problem.'
29. 'not everything is about you. Even though you want to think it is.'
30. 'Why are you making this about YOU?'
To our friends who delivered this advice over the years ...often loud enough we could hear it..... I thank you from the bottom of my heart. If some of the advice you gave didn't show up here on the list don't be offended. 15 years of saving us from ourselves would overload blogspot's bandwidth.

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