Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Three principles of brain washing, shunned like an amish slut

Three Principles of Brain Washing
1) REPETITION - Going through the same subject over and over again.

Yes I get it! Christmas is a ticking time bomb and if I don't buy SOMETHING for EVERYONE I know by 6 pm December 24th .... it WILL blow up in my face!

2)  PEDAGOGICS - The subjects are never left alone nor give any private time to contemplate  the information they are receiving.

Yep the only place I can get away from the Christmas holocaust is in the bathroom. TV,Radio,internet,mailbox,newspaper,buses,billboards,banners, neighbors houses, complete strangers houses, text,telephone and a few I'm sure I haven't mentioned........ I cant get away from it.  I'm being swarmed by christmas like an attack of killer bees!

3) CRITICISM- The subjects are supposed to feel uncertain; under the constant threat of being humiliated and despised.

1. There is nothing I can give my mother for under $20,000 that will make her feel loved or appropriately gifted.  I am a bad daughter!
2. I must spend at least $2,000 on a gift for my husband or he will leave me for a younger more appreciative woman who knows how to shop.
3. I must spend $400 on each child I have birthed or they will do drugs or join a cult...or do drugs AND join a cult and they will NOT be there for me in my old age.
4. Brothers ,sisters, nieces, nephews: I must give them each a $100 dollar gift card to ensure  they will at least THINK about me through the upcoming year.
5. Friends....  There is a scale here....If they have  seen me cry and throw a temper fit...  $50
If they have seen me cry,throw a temper  fit,  throw up ...$60
If they have seen me cry, throw a temper fit, throw up, unwashed ... $75
If they have have seen me cry, throw a temper fit,throw up,  unwashed, bleed .. $100
If they have seen me cry, throw a temper fit, throw up,  unwashed, bleed , naked...$125
If they have seen me  cry, throw a temper fit, throw up, unwashed, bleed, and naked ALL at the same time.... that will cost me $200 a year!
Casual acquaintances who I see regularly, but behave around....$20
Any one I meet for the first time during the holiday season......$10
If I don't follow these prescribed pricing rules.... I will, for one full year, be shunned like an amish slut!

18 months of therapy wasn't therapy.... It was de-programming!