I don't really have anything to say right now. I'm just posting so they wont shut down my account. All of my writing energy is going into finishing a project I started 6 years ago. My writer friends are probably rolling their eyes at me right now but I freely admit that I'm not a writer. I can write. I know how. I'm just not driven to do it like my writer friends. The only time I write is when I have something to say/communicate. Right now I am trying to communicate the culmination of 6 years of research. Criminy....the research was easy and fun compared to this. I have written and rewritten and written again and I'm still unsatisfied with what I have . Here is a serious question to my writer friends. What do you do when the story is bigger than you. Bigger than your talent, bigger than your ability to control the medium you are presenting it in? What do you do when the depth and scope of what you are trying to achieve is just beyond your reach? I begin to think that maybe asking accomplished writers for advice wont help. I mean... real writers have spent their lives honing their craft and here I am trying to jump to their level in a single superhuman leap.
I really need to finish this thing. Its sapping all of my creative strength. I haven't painted or printed or sculpted or done a single bit of theater since I started the writing portion of this project. It is a humbling experience.
One of the things I learned about myself years ago is that I'm good at whatever I do. That sounds arrogant in the first reading but the drawback of being 'good' at whatever I do is that I am not and never will be 'great' at anything. I've accepted that. Its a blessing and a curse at the same time. Living in a world above mediocrity and below genius has been satisfying enough to keep me going. I just assumed that I would be good enough to handle this project. My expectations were medium. I expected that I would research it, write it and then move on. I had no expectations of being declared a great American writer or that history would remember me for this one great story but, I did expect that it would be good or at least, good enough. But, It's not and I'm not and I'm way over my head here.
So, there you have the reason for an absence of cutesy blogging about chickens, homemade soap, painting and diy projects. I miss painting. But I know if I go down in the studio I will NEVER get this story done so I will stubbornly persevere until it is finished for better or worse.
It is completely necessary for me to hold on to past glories right now so, here is a little something I am holding onto (and waving around) just to prove to myself that I can finish it (because I've done it before). Feral Jane sent this to remind me of a minor success because she knows about the angst that this project is causing me. She sent me a screen shot of my painting that CBS bought for the set on Hawaii Five O. Right now I'm hanging on to my Warholian 15 minutes by what's left of my creative fingernails.
I really need to finish this thing. Its sapping all of my creative strength. I haven't painted or printed or sculpted or done a single bit of theater since I started the writing portion of this project. It is a humbling experience.
One of the things I learned about myself years ago is that I'm good at whatever I do. That sounds arrogant in the first reading but the drawback of being 'good' at whatever I do is that I am not and never will be 'great' at anything. I've accepted that. Its a blessing and a curse at the same time. Living in a world above mediocrity and below genius has been satisfying enough to keep me going. I just assumed that I would be good enough to handle this project. My expectations were medium. I expected that I would research it, write it and then move on. I had no expectations of being declared a great American writer or that history would remember me for this one great story but, I did expect that it would be good or at least, good enough. But, It's not and I'm not and I'm way over my head here.
So, there you have the reason for an absence of cutesy blogging about chickens, homemade soap, painting and diy projects. I miss painting. But I know if I go down in the studio I will NEVER get this story done so I will stubbornly persevere until it is finished for better or worse.
It is completely necessary for me to hold on to past glories right now so, here is a little something I am holding onto (and waving around) just to prove to myself that I can finish it (because I've done it before). Feral Jane sent this to remind me of a minor success because she knows about the angst that this project is causing me. She sent me a screen shot of my painting that CBS bought for the set on Hawaii Five O. Right now I'm hanging on to my Warholian 15 minutes by what's left of my creative fingernails.
Here is the painting
 |
| Here is the painting in a scene from Hawaii Five O |
No comments:
Post a Comment